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Strategies to Boost Self-Confidence and Satisfaction
Are You a Perfectionist?
Your answer to this question may reveal the truth. Do you often strive for perfection in your work? Do you feel a constant need to be flawless in everything you do—even at the cost of your health and well-being? If your answer is "yes" to both questions, then you might be a perfectionist.
For perfectionists, "good enough" is never truly enough. This mindset can lead to unhappiness and a lack of self-confidence. Perfectionists often set impossibly high standards and blame themselves when they fail to meet them—similar to pushing a horse to jump a high fence, punishing it for knocking it down, and then raising the bar even higher. Sound familiar?
While the drive for improvement is healthy, the pursuit of perfection can become a mental trap that keeps you from performing at your best. One major problem with perfectionism is that it erodes self-confidence because the inner critic constantly berates you for not being perfect. If you want to unlock your natural confidence and build self-esteem, learning to free yourself from perfectionism is essential.
How Do We Become Perfectionists?
Often, we learn perfectionism early in life. Here’s an example: I remember coming home from school at age twelve and proudly telling my mother, “Mom, I did great in athletics today—I came second in the 100-meter race!” Her response? Disappointed, she said, “Oh, only second place? What happened?” You can imagine how discouraging that felt. For most of my life after that, I felt I always had to do better—even when I achieved great things.
A Strange Moment That Opened My Eyes
One day, while daydreaming, I imagined walking through a cemetery. A particular tombstone caught my eye. As I approached it, I was shocked to see my name: Mary Jaksch. Beneath it, in small letters, I read: “She should have done better.” I burst out laughing—and from that moment on, I adopted a more relaxed approach to life and work. Today, I consider myself a recovering perfectionist.
3 Strategies to Boost Your Confidence and Feel Better About Yourself
Embrace the Idea That "Good Enough" Is Enough
Why do we want to be perfect? Often, we equate perfection with being lovable. We believe that if we do things better, we will be more accepted and loved. This belief often stems from childhood, where we received attention for doing things well. Unfortunately, perfection is not a recipe for love—quite the opposite. One client of mine, a highly competent professional, once asked, “I’m so good at my job, why don’t they like me?” She strived for perfection, yet the love and appreciation she longed for remained elusive.
In reality, people tend to love those who are imperfect more easily. Accepting that you’re “good enough” is healthier than striving to be flawless. Take parenting, for example—no one can be a perfect parent. Research shows that the best parents are “good enough.” Psychologist Peter Gray, PhD, explains in his article "The Good Enough Parent is the Best Parent” that such parents don’t strive for perfection in themselves or their children.
When you adopt the mindset of being “good enough,” it becomes easier to live with yourself—and to love yourself. So, the next time your inner critic says, “You’re not perfect,” simply respond: “But I’m good enough.”
Celebrate Small Wins
One of the most effective ways to overcome perfectionism is to celebrate small achievements. Perfectionists often ignore their minor successes, always moving the goalpost and making it harder to feel successful. This can lead to frustration and a loss of motivation.
Instead, set small, achievable goals and celebrate every modest victory. For instance, if you're trying to get fit, start with a two-minute walk and acknowledge that first step. Perfectionists tend to set huge goals and then feel defeated when they fall short. But by celebrating small wins, you create momentum and build confidence without falling into the perfection trap.
Accept Your Flaws and Imperfections
Being imperfect makes you more lovable. Your flaws can even add beauty. This idea is at the heart of the Japanese philosophy of Wabi-Sabi.Nothing lasts.
Nothing is finished.
Nothing is perfect.
I love the idea of cherishing our imperfections and those of others. Instead of constantly trying to fix them, we can embrace Wabi-Sabi. This lets us live more freely, without the pressure to be perfect.
